Hi Friends,
I mentioned in my last post that this new chemo would cause
hair thinning/loss. I was really hoping to get through the holidays with hair
but unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen. It started falling out around day 14 after only one treatment. Baldness caused from
treatment isn’t unusual but for all the other stage 4 chemo’s I have tried this
is the 1st to cause hair loss.
I lost my hair back in 2012 from chemo, then in 2017 from brain
radiation and now 2018 from chemo. We have been joking about my latest hair
loss saying well maybe 3 times is a charm. I mean how many times does one girl
have to go through hair falling out by the handful, forced to shave, wear wigs
and head wraps? Two Christmas in a row being bald. It definitely does not really seem fair at all. But living your
life with cancer and the treatment changes isn’t fair either right?
It’s one of the hardest parts of treatment for a lot of
people. Hair can be very personal and a big part of what makes you feel like
you. Our hair can define us (or we think it does) and we rely on our hair style
for pictures and feelings of self-worth. Everyone’s journey with hair loss is different.
Some survivors choose to embrace being bald while others rely on wigs or hats
to keep a “normal” feeling to a life changing circumstance. I was never super
attached to my hair. Which is strange because I changed my hair a lot. I had
amazing curly hair prior to cancer and I would wear it curly or straight, short
or long. Whatever I was feeling. When I lost my hair in 2012 I had a baby to
take care of and I never cared for my wigs. Although I did have a pretty bad
reaction from someone I really cared about that made the emotional side of my
hair loss harder. But that’s a story for another day ;0) I wore my wigs maybe
two times back then. I chose to just embrace being bald. I got a lot of inspiration
from Bald is Beautiful to just rock it. It would only be a temporary side
effect and I would have my hair back by the end of the year.
In 2017 I had a similar mindset going in. I wore wigs a few
times but not many. Char struggled a little and really loved it when I would
wear them. I think it made me look less sick and she could feel normal in public
with me. You definitely get staring and second glances when you go out in
public bald. This time around I tried to make it a girls night at the spa and
have champagne and a head shaving thing. Schedules didn’t really work out and
it is hard to plan because you don’t know when the hair will start falling out
or how long you can stand it before you are ready to shave. So we ended up
doing a quick visit to the barber shop for a shave on Dec 15th. It was a little frustrating
because the girl who did it just didn’t want to take it all down and kept doing
different guard levels and I kept saying more, still more, ok keep going. Steve
actually took it down more a few days later. The whole thing was super emotional
this time around. I am not sure what was different. I had done research on the
cold caps this time and had decided against it for various reasons. I think I
just thought about it more than before this time around. And in all the tube
videos I watched the girls were just so determined not the have hair loss they
endured hours wearing and switching out the cold caps. It just wasn’t for me,
but I would love to hear from people who actually did this and had success. I
get cold enough as it is, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it is to have those
caps on. By the time we were done at the
barber shop Char, Steve and I were in tears. Char was so sweet, she said “It’s
ok it will grow back”. Later I asked her if she minded me being bald and she
said “you are my mommy and I love you”. Just simple and matter of fact! Because
we don’t know how long this chemo will work I could be bald for a long time and
there isn’t really an end date. Once we stop this treatment drug it will take six
months to a year to grow my hair back. Maybe that is why this time it was just
a little harder on me than before. It is what it is and just par of the course
in this life with stage 4 breast cancer.
Xoxo
The saga of being bald
Year 2012
Christmas 2017
Dec 15th 2018
Christmas 2018
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