Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Famiy of 3

I have been struggling with the IVF decision and whether I should proceed with the procedure and harvest my eggs.  I have weighed the pros and cons extensively and still feel torn between more children and the risk associated with massive amounts of hormones needed to get my body ready for the harvest.  I had already decided I would not carry any more children.  IVF, however, could possibly give us the option to have a biological child through a surrogate (if my eggs are even viable, and then transferred and implanted successfully).  I have sadly made the decision not to move forward with this.  It was a tough decision to make and also a difficult thing to come to terms with.  Charlotte was such an easy baby and transitions so well to change.  It would be so fun having another little one around.  I also feel somewhat cheated since from 4-12+ months I was in treatments/recovery and not feeling very good physically.  Although, I spent a lot of time with her, because I was on leave and appreciated the time immensely, I was fighting and struggling through the difficult journey that comes with a cancer diagnosis.

Charlotte is such a blessing, and I am thankful each day for her.  It looks like we will be a family of three for the indefinite future.  Most of my friends are still planning on children, or in some cases expanding their families in the future.  I have promised myself that I will be happy for my friends and enjoy their excitement and planning.  Babies are little miracles and so very special.  I intend to squeeze and snuggle as many as I can.  After all, I can’t lose that baby whispering ability I have that puts all babies to sleep when they are in my arms.  
As I type this post with tears of disappointment and sadness, it is important for both Steve and I to come to terms with this decision.  We need to move forward with our lives enjoying the beautiful child we were able to have and not dwell on what could have been.  We need to enjoy and embrace the life we have now and not take a minute for granted.

I cannot promise Charlotte will not be spoiled, although we have tried our best not to.  Chances are high we will be unsuccessful.

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