My Love Hate Relationship with................

My current love-hate relationship will most likely take a lot of people aback when I share this struggle. I hate food right now. Diet and nutrition is such a big part of overall healing, and in the case of Cancer the emphasis is strong from all fronts. Should I be gluten free? The short answer here is yes, I should! Should I take on the anti-inflammation diet? Should I cut out all processed products even those GF products? Is the donut from DD’s really going to hurt me? Not to mention the DD’s latte with almond milk that although sounds healthy is full of sugar. Back in 2012 I totally revamped my diet and cut out all sugar from my diet. I was vocal and opinionated about it, especially at work where I always declined the cookies and desserts that would from time to time make their way into my line of vision. When I was diagnosed with Stage 4 I joked around work, “I should have eaten the F-ing cookies.” What was the point after all? Nutrition didn’t save me from getting cancer again now did it? But despite my struggle with what’s best to eat right now, I know it’s important to my healing and wellbeing. Because my weight currently is still considered low as I have not recovered from the initial diagnosis weight loss, protein is a big push for me right now. On top of the initial weight loss, I lost even more weight during brain radiation. I looked quite sick and thin for months. It’s been a slow process primarily due to the fact that I hate having such a focus on what I am eating right now. Sometimes nothing seems good or I just want to eat all the things I shouldn’t. Protein (shakes, animal, or plant based), green veggies, mashed potatoes, hummus………………………..love-hate!!! Nutrition is consuming my life from the time I wake up until after dinner time. What is a girl to do aside from taking it one day at a time and one meal/snack at a time!!!

Through this struggle I have been getting my smoothie on every few days when my stomach says “YES.” I am using the following ingredients in my smoothies these days with Origain protein drink as the main ingredient to add a protein bunch. 

• Origain protein prepaid drink
• Handful of fresh blueberries
• 1/2 bananna
• two handful of spinach packed tight
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

- Blend and Enjoy!   

Although the struggle is real I know I need to create a loving and nurturing relationship with food again in my life and I am working on it as I type this blog. I know it’s important to healing and that in every way it shapes how we go about our day.

In addition to the smoothie, my goal is to try a new recipe each week and try something new from the ever-growing stash of cookbooks I have around the house. This week was a really yummy detox soup that I found within my Oh She Glows cookbook. It included some awesome spices that make the flavor really great and it tasted yummy. I substituted out vegetable broth with a healthy dose of bone broth. Bone broth is known for some amazing health benefits. Give it a try next time you are making a soup that calls for a broth base. It’s known for its healing powers. Even if you just sip it straight from a nice warm cup like a tea it’s great! I have been drinking warm cups of bone broth a couple times a day. It’s actually not a bad little sipping snack during these long, cold winter days in Maryland. Full recipe here for the Oh She Glows - Detox Soup

 Substituted with bone broth instead of veggie for the added health and healing benefits

Garnish with squeeze of lemon & chopped kale

Snowy Day Update

I am up early on what is a beautiful snowy morning with 2 hour school delays. Oh wait, now it’s a snow day here in Maryland! With coffee in hand and a quiet, dark morning I find this post matches the mood of the day. New snowfalls and new beginnings. I have just come from what seems like my millionth overnight stay at Hopkins. So far I have not gone a month in a very long time without something popping up that requires more serious medical attention. We are hopeful that February will be a quiet month in terms of medical issues that arise.

This latest stay was the result of more extreme headaches followed by nausea and vomiting. Similar to last time, but for a different reason this time around. The updated CT and MRI scans of the brain revealed what appeared to be a spinal fluid leak on the brain. It was treated with steroids, caffeine pills, and pain meds. They weighed the risk and benefits of doing a test that would confirm if there was leak and then would put in a blood patch to clot over the area. It was decided it was too much of a risk at this point to do the procedure, as it would introduce an additional spinal puncture, further risking additional leaks or complications. This latest stay was 5 days in the Weinberg Cancer Center at Johns Hopkins. It was not how we wanted to spend our long holiday weekend that's for sure. I was pretty disappointed in starting the steroid again. I had just weaned off of it at the end of December, which meant I could resume mistletoe injections and/or infusions. Because there are some complications to using these two meds together, mistletoe goes to the back burner once again.

In other news we are starting an additional chemo called Lynparza (olaparib), which is a pill form of chemo. We will do the Lynparza along with the IV Carboplatin. Because I am still having what appears to be continued progression, my doctor didn't want to keep this new drug on the back burner. We are throwing everything we can at it to get some stabilization of the disease.

I am so excited to be back home resting. Although with a snow day and having Charlotte home and cooped up it’s not going to be overly restful. But it's good to spend some time together since I had been away from her for so long. It seems that we are consistently being admitted to Hopkins for tests, treatments, and/or interventions.

Because the last few months have been so hard on us we are planning a well-deserved family vacation the beginning of February. Prayers this trip is as amazing as it sounds and that I will have the energy and stamina to keep up with everyone. Pray more importantly that I remain un-hospitalized leading up until the trip and for the duration. I am still having trouble with stairs from all the brain radiation. I am working on conquering them so that I can have the leg strength I need for our next adventure. We are all looking forward to a warm, relaxing, and enjoyable vacation to Hawaii. I for one am beyond excited to have something fun to look forward to and some much needed time with the family.

I have started more meditation and mindfulness work on myself. It’s been helpful to learn to slow the breath and get into a relaxing and meditative state. I came across a book called Being Well (Even When You Are Sick) that I really love. It was great for someone who is dealing with a life threatening diagnosis. It is simply written and easy to follow with great meditations you can download. I have read it twice over the last couple of months. The author, Elana Rosenbaum, also wrote a book called Here for Now: Living Well with Cancer Through Mindfulness. It was not as good as the first book, but another great resource for meditation. I highly recommend them if you are going through something like this and are looking to channel your mindfulness muscles. We all can use some help in getting our mind to quiet down and focus on the breath.

Happy snow day here in Maryland and I hope you are all safe and warm.

Love and Light - Erin