Happy Thanksgiving

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving and gave thanks for all the great things in their lives.  I have so much to be thankful for.  There are far too many to list.  I have been enjoying a fun weekend with family, friends, and lots and lots of yummy food.  We even had a little family outing and cut down our own Christmas tree today.

I have gotten a lot of my energy back, so it's been nice to be feeling better and doing more.  My immune system seems to be a little low, but aside from a little stomach bug, I have been pretty healthy.  My hair is growing extremely fast and is coming in much curlier than before. 

Charlee and I have been back to work and daycare full time for a few weeks now.  We both seem to be transitioning well and are getting back into the grove.  Char loves daycare and aside from not napping while she is there, she is doing great.  She gets right down and plays when we get there and does not seem to mind us leaving.

I think I wrote in a earlier post that I was going to stuff one side of my bra to help balance out my current unevenness.  I have not been doing that.  I try and wear shirts, sweaters, and scarves that hide it.  It's not the most comfortable thing to have something pressing against my left (deflated) side, and it was not worth the discomfort for me.  I am pretty much all healed from surgery and back to all my normal activities.  I still have some occasional pain, which can usually be traced back to carrying Char too much or overdoing it.  Since radiation increases my already heightened risk of lymphedema, I have to consciously be mindful of carrying things only with my left arm and not sleeping on my right side.  
      
Radiation Update:

I had my planning session, which included lots of x-ray pictures and some purple marker marks (5 total) in various places on my chest and sides.  I also got a tiny tiny tattoo that is about the size of a freckle.  During my final session "simulation",  they made sure all my markers lined up with the plan Dr. A wrote for me.  They removed the marks made during the planning session, but added a few more with black marker in various places (7 total).  A few marks are pretty hard to hide with scarves, but it is what it is.  This past week I had my first 4 daily radiation treatments.  So far, everything is going well.  It's a very quick session.  It lasts maybe 3 minutes total, and I don't feel anything.  It's a little strange, because I can hear the radiation but can't feel it.  So far, I do not have any skin burns.  My doctor showed me the radiation plan on the computer.  It was really cool, although I only understood a little of what she was explaining about all the different colors and radiation paths.
  4 down, approx. 25 more to go.

Here are a few recent pictures.

    

 

Radiation Here I Come

Yesterday we met with the radiation oncologist for my follow-up.  As I said in one of my previous posts, I was really leaning towards not getting radiation.  However, after my appt. we are moving forward with this part of my treatment despite the reconstruction implications.

She had several reasons she wants me to receive radiation treatments.

1.      My tumor was a grade 3 - Cancer cells divide and grow rapidly (even after a mastectomy there are cells left over inside the breast).

2.      I had vascular invasion - This happens when breast cancer cells break into the blood vessels or lymph channels. This increases the risk of the cancer traveling outside the breast or coming back in the future.

3.      I had a deep margin - This means the cancer reached up against the muscle of the chest wall.

4.      The position of my tumor at the 6 o’clock position could have caused the spread of the cancer to my lymph nodes in the chest (between the breasts).  There is no way of removing these nodes.

5.      1 positive node (Most likely, if I only had this and not the above 3, I would not need radiation.)

The plan is to radiate the tumor site, chest wall, lymph nodes between the breasts, above the clavicle, neck, and under my armpit all on the right side.  Because they will be radiating the lymph nodes between the breasts, they have to drain all the fluid out of the left breast so it will not be in the way of the radiation beams.  So, unfortunately, this means I will be a little lopsided for the time being.  It's nice we are getting into colder weather, and I can wear sweaters and scarves.  I am just planning on stuffing the left side of my bra.    

I will have a planning session on Monday to create the path for the radiation and my specific plan.  

Radiation sessions will be daily (5 days a week) for approx. 5-6 weeks.  The tentative start date right now is 11/12.  

  

3 Weeks Post-Op

I am a little over three weeks from my surgery.  I am feeling pretty good and getting around great.  I still have some pain, but I am no longer on pain meds, which is great.  I have a little fluid building up on both sides that causes a little discomfort.  Hopefully my body will absorb this, and I will not need it drained.  Last week I got another fill, but just on the right side.  This brings me to 275 cc's on the right and 300 cc's on the left.  Today I went again, but this time they drained all the fluid in the expander on the left and are leaving the right as it is (see next post).

Let me just say that draining all the fluid out of the left side was so painful.  The actual draining was ok, but as soon as it was done, I had sharp pains immediately.  These are the same sharp paralyzing stabs I experienced after my first fill.  I did not expect any pain today, so I went to the appointment by myself and didn't take any meds beforehand.  I am not sure how I made the hour drive back to my parents.  I had to break down and take the meds when I got home, which so far, are not helping to relieve the pain or the spasms.

Things I Still Can't Do:

• Lift anything over 10lbs (I have actually been pushing this a little bit.  Shh don't tell!)
• Sleep on my side, and it's still hard to get comfortable at night
• Get things off the top self
• Put C to bed or get her up

Turning Washington, D.C. Pink

The Susan G. Komen 3 day, 60 mile walk in D.C. is this weekend.  Steve and four of my co-workers are bringing the pink.  The goal of Team Pink Elephants was to raise $15,000.  At my last check, they have raised $15,946.00.  Thank you for all the donations that will go toward research and finding a cure for breast cancer.

This is the second Susan G. Komen race my friends and co-workers have done since my diagnosis, and together they have raised almost $23,000.  Way to go teams!!!!!

Here are some pics I have gotten so far from the D.C. walk.  

Expander Fill / Post-Ops

At my post-op appointment Wednesday with the nurse practitioner of plastic surgery, I received my first fill.  They did some filling right after surgery, but this was the first one I was awake for.

First off, she was very happy with my healing so far and said everything looked wonderful.  She said "This looks wonderful.  I know you don't think so, but I do."  She also said she could remove the drains.................................WOO HOO!  I was so excited, because I was ready for those horrible things to be gone forever.  I had no idea how far these tubes were inside me.  They came out right under the armpit and went under the boob and around the top to the breast bone.  The really hard things under my skin that I thought were the expanders were actually the tubes.  Before she pulled out the tubes, she wanted to do the fill.  Here are some videos I found that will help with visuals:  Video 1 & Video 2.  I will say the needle in Video 1 is what they used, but it was actually bigger.  It was like a horse tranquilizer.  She put 50 cc's in each side so I am up to 150 300cc's in the left and 100 225cc's in the right.  They are slowly rounding out some, so hopefully after a few more they will look more like boobs.  They found the port in the expander with a little stud finder.  I didn't feel the needle going in, but I felt a little pressure as the saline was injected.  Now it was time to pull out the drains.  I took a deep breath, and as I blew out in a big puff, she pulled out the tubes.  It didn't hurt, but I could feel them being removed.  It was a strange feeling to experience.  A lot of the tightness I was feeling was relieved with the removal of the tubes.

Now we have the first fill over and done with.  They will continue to do weekly fills as long as they can, depending on how I handle them.  The muscle spasms have been pretty painful.  Sometimes they are just short stabs, and other times they last for hours.  I have some muscle relaxers I take when they don't let up.  They hurt so bad sometimes that I have to stop what I am doing and sit down.  It's almost like a paralyzing pain that hits and takes your breath away.  The drive home was pretty rough and painful.

Thursday I had my post-op with the surgical oncologist.  He also said everything looked wonderful, and I was healing beautifully.  He had the pathology report, and I am happy to report there were no residual cancer cells found in any of the breast tissue removed.  So, I am officially CANCER FREE.  We will never know if the cancer was all removed with my re-excision in March since my margins were only marginally clear, or if the chemo did the trick.  Either way, it's all gone.

Cancer Free.............................sounds strange after all this time.  Instead of saying "I have cancer," I can now say "I had cancer."  Although I was very happy to hear this news, I am so focused on right now, feeling better, and the next steps to full recovery, that it was hard to be really excited.  It is exciting to think about what I have been through and survived up to this point, and how the future steps get smaller as I check things off my cancer treatment/prevention to-do list.    

I am now close to 2 weeks post surgery.  Still taking the pain meds pretty regularly.  Sometimes I can go longer than other times.  I am getting some of the range of motion back in my arms slowly.  Each day gets a little better.  I am still restricted to not lifting anything that weighs more than 10 lbs.  Even if I tried, I would not be able to do it.  Just lifting the laptop pulls, and I can feel the muscles stretching.   

So, my next steps are to continue with the expander fills and then begin radiation.  The big question now is if I decide to go along with doctor recommendations and proceed with radiation.  I have an appointment next week with my radiation oncologist to re-group and go over the next steps.  Part of my hesitation is how radiation will affect my reconstruction.  I would have a 60% chance of future complications with the implant after radiation.  This means I have a high risk that the implant will not be successful in the long term.  Over a 1-2 year period following radiation, the implant could become tight, sore, and lift up towards my shoulder.  If this happens, I would need additional surgeries in an attempt to correct it.  Hopefully following my appointments next week with my oncologist and my radiation oncologist, I will be clear on the risks/benefits and be able to make an informed decision to either proceed with radiation as recommended, or say no.  I have put a lot of faith in my doctors and to go against what is being recommended will be difficult.

Mastectomy Update

Yesterday marked a week since my bilateral mastectomy.  Time to recap the surgery and recovery so far.

We arrived bright and early Monday morning at 5:30 AM.  I got a good night sleep the night before, and I was calm and surprisingly at peace throughout the entire morning.  I met with the anesthesiologists, surgeons, nurses, and signed several consent forms.  I walked into the OR at 7:30 AM.  Kind of strange being in the room fully awake.  I must have looked a little fearful, because shortly after I laid down and the nurses were all busy hooking me up to stuff, my Surgical Oncologist came over and held my hand until I fell asleep.  Before I knew it, I was waking up in recovery.  I was extremely sleepy and felt no pain.  Not long after, Steve came in.  I was in recovery for a few hours.  Steve was in and out between the waiting room and the recovery.  I think I slept for most of the time.  I had to go potty, and the nurses gave me the options of trying to get up or the bedpan.  Of course I said enthusiastically, I think I can get up.  Yeah, not the best idea.  I made it to the foot of the bed before I saw the passing out oras.  I had Steve and three other nurses holding me up until I could sit back on the bed.  I broke out in a sweat, and I was back in bed with ice packets in a few seconds.  Guess the bedpan would have been the better choice.  Because of this instance and the fact I have passing out in my medical history, I had a sign on my door that said Risk of Falling, and in case that was not clear, there was picture of a person falling.

It didn't take long for the pain to set in, and I will say it was pretty intense.  Feels like a burning, stabbing feeling in my chest.  It was so hard to get into a comfortable position.  I was pretty much always propped up with tons of pillows.  It hurt when I moved, breathed, pretty much all the time.  The expanders are hard and very uncomfortable.  The first thing I did once I was awake and in recovery, was take a peek under my hospital gown.  Steve was there and said, "Are you sure you want to do that now?"  I figured, let's just get it over with.  They were all bandaged up, but I could see the results.  They look nothing like breasts, more like saucers.  They are flat lumps, swollen and bruised.  I know it's going to be awhile before they look and feel like breasts, so aside from the pain I feel, I am a bit detached from them.  I don't feel sad about losing them, but it is hard to look at them.  I have become very open to sharing them, however.  Pretty much everyone who visits are offered a peek at them.  I have tried to be open and honest throughout all of this, and hiding it just makes it worse for me.  They were able to put 100  250 cc's in the left and 50 175 cc's in the right.  Eventually, they will match up, and at this point, they don't even look like breasts so it does not really matter.

The drains are pretty scary looking.  They come out from under my armpits.  I feel like a science project.  I will be so excited to get these out (hopefully tomorrow).  Steve learned how to clean and dump them, a task he has been handling quite well.  I will spare more details on the drains.  They are gross, uncomfortable, and you can google them.

I was only in the hospital for one night.  I was given the option to stay an extra day, which I should have done since I was back in the ER the next day (see previous post).  I decided to go home.  It was actually harder to get pain meds when I needed them in the hospital.  The nurses were busy, and I would buzz when I was at the 4 hour mark.  Sometimes it would take another 30min before they made it in.  I figured it would be easier at home.

I am extremely limited in everything I do.  Steve pretty much did every little thing for me aside from feeding me and wiping me after the bathroom.  I said it's like he had another kid to take care of.  Instead of feedings every 4 hours, we had pain medicine administered every 4 hours.  I think showering together might become a routine for us until my arms are more reaching, although not the showers most couples have.  Steve is a trooper through it all.  I get frustrated, he gets frustrated back, but we are making it work.  This part of my treatment journey might get him husband of the year.

The first week went by and I have a hard time remembering the day-to-day.  That's what being in a pain killer induced stupor 24/7 will do.  It's pretty much a blur, and the days run together.  We have slowly cut back on the meds so it's not as bad but still fuzzy during peek med time.

A week later, I am able to do most things, but it sometimes takes me a long time.  I am still very limited since I can't raise my arm high, but slowly and surely it is getting better.  I am still in a lot of pain, and I take meds pretty regularly.  I pretty much have no energy and am really not up and about much.  I have lots of care from my family.  We came to my parents last Friday.  Charlotte and I are being well cared for.  With my sister and her three kids visiting, Charlotte is getting lots and lots of attention and endless playtime.     

I have lots of doctors appointments lined up for this week and next.  I will keep the blog as updated as I can.  Thanks for everything!!!!!

Here are a few pics to help show what's happening. 

         

Survivors - Ms. J

When I wrote my survivor post, I kept thinking I had forgotten someone important.  I realized yesterday who it was:  Ms. Joyce.  I have known Ms. Joyce since Steve and I started dating (a LONG time ago), and I just happened to reconnect with her at a party shortly after I was diagnosed.  Ms. J is currently battling her second diagnosis of breast cancer.  She reaches out to check on me often and is always offering to help me in any way she can even though she is working through her own treatment right now.  Thanks Ms. J for being there for me.  I know you are just a phone call away.       

Recovery - Take 2

Hello everyone.  I am planning a more in detail post about surgery, but I wanted to keep everyone up to speed on how I am doing. 

We ended up spending most of last night in the ER after I started getting chills, vomiting, and a fever early in the afternoon.  It seems to be a combination of being dehydrated, having a UTI, and extreme nausea from the strong pain meds.  I will say that in situations like these, you get pretty good ER treatment.  The ER downtown is a crazy place in the evenings and even more so when we left around 12:30 AM.  Steve said we got some mean looks and some comments from some of the other patients since we were called back so quickly.  Since I wasn't able to keep my pain meds down when we got to the ER, my pain was off the charts.  The vomiting didn't help since it made my chest hurt even worse.  It didn't take long for them to get things under control, and once I was able to eat and drink again and saw someone from plastics, I was able to go home.  

Today I am feeling much better.  The pain is still pretty bad, but we seem to be keeping it managed.  I am eating and drinking much better than yesterday, also.  The other big accomplishment is that I can pull my pants up after I pee.  It takes a little longer than normal, but hey, it's an accomplishment just the same.

Thanks for all the support and prayers.  I know a lot of people were very worried yesterday after we rushed to the ER.  Hopefully, it all continues to improve from here.   

Recovering

Erin has completed surgery and is recovering well.  She's in pretty good spirits considering she's still in a lot of pain.  At this time, it's unclear if she will be able to go home later today.  She says it feels like someone is stabbing her in the chest, and it hurts her when she takes deep breaths.  She is extremely bruised and simple tasks are difficult for her.

Erin will post more details later on.... 

Nurse Stephen

Ta-Ta to the Ta-Tas

Tomorrow is the big day.  We have to be at the hospital bright and early at 5:30am.  They should be taking me back around 7:30am.  Today I have been pretty good.  Just trying to get things together and organized.  We dropped Baby C off this evening at my parents, and I carried her to bed for the last time for 4-6 weeks.  I know she is in great hands and will have a blast with my nieces and nephews.

Yesterday, we had an early birthday party for C since her birthday is next week, and we won't really be able to do much.  It was just a family thing, but it was a lot of fun and just my family makes for a big party.  Afterwards, my sister-in-law organized a great toast to say ta-ta to the ta-tas.  My brother, sister-in-law, Mom, and Aunt Phylis all said wonderful things as we toasted.  It was extremely emotional, but it was great to have everyone there and involved.  The kids loved drinking their sparkling cider in the fancy glasses.  They also created a pink chain with some pretty funny things on them.  Below are some of the funny ones.

- I love you, Sissy.  You're the best!  I hope you like your brand new breasts.
- You're nearing the end.  You can't loose!  Hope your surgery goes well, and you like your new boobs!
- A chart of boob sizes: A - almost a boob, B - barely there, C - can't complain, D - dang, DD - dang dang, E - enough, F - fake, G - get a reduction.  Hope this list is helpful.
- Boob Voyage
- A, B, C, D, E, F, G......which size boob should I be?

I will have Steve post updates over the next few days to keep everyone updated.  Thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts!!!!

Survivors

It's amazing what wonderful and suportive people come into your life along the way.  I just wanted to give a shout out to some who have really made a difference, no matter how small, in my fight.

1st and most important is Alexis - I met Alexis through my girl Erin.  We saw each other on occasion during social stuff.  When Erin told me she had breast cancer, I was so heartbroken.  Although we were not close, I really felt for her.  I wish in many ways I reached out to her, but like most people who have not gone though something like this, you don't know what to say or do in these situations.  Hearing about her diagnosis made me get the lump checked out a few months later (she was only a year older than me).  Whether it was really nothing or something more serious at that time, we probably will never know (I was diagnosed a year later).  But, Alexis was the first people I reached out to for information and support.  She responded immediately with tons of great information and tips.  A few weeks later, she sent me a great care package of things I could use.  I am so very thankful that life put her in my life, and she could be there for me during the most scariest time.  Steve and I scoured her blog for more information in the weeks following my diagnosis.  I continue to find encouragement through her posts.  Alexis, THANK YOU for everything. 

2nd and just as important, is my prior boss Debbie K.  She was diagnosed at a time when I was in my early 20's, very shortly before I decided to leave for my current employer.  I am sure my leaving was not the best time to be jumping ship, but Debbie in no way deterred me from leaving and even encouraged my decisions.  She had my best interest at heart, even in a time when I know things were hard personally.  Had she really wanted to, I know she could have talked me into staying for her.  Debbie was top on the list of people I called after I was diagnosed.  I knew she had gone to Hopkins, and she was right there with numbers and names of people to contact there.  She stays in touch, and I know she is there if I ever need her.  THANK YOU, Deb.  

My Aunt Phyllis, who was diagnosed at my age.  She was there with e-mails of encouragement, cards, and we had a great phone conversation just last week.  She is a survivor 30+ years, which is so very encouraging.  Love ya, Aunt P.

Mandy, who I found through a co-worker Mike, who went outside his comfort zone to offer her contact information to me.  We e-mailed and keep in touch though Facebook.  Mandy was a little farther through her treatments when we first connected, and it was nice to hear her thoughts on Taxol and treatment in general.  She has two adorable little kids, and I love to see the pictures and see her posts.  I also found her blog very helpful.  Thanks to both Mike and Mandy.

Laura, who reached out on this blog after finding me through Alexis.  She is always encouraging with her comments.  Her blog is full of great information.  Thanks Laura, for reaching out.

Joyce, who I met at my girl Christel's bridal shower a few months back.  She sat down and talked about how she was diagnosed in her early 30's when her kids were little.  Also a survivor of many years, she was so comforting and caring as we talked about it.  She talked about what she had gone through, and it was wonderful that she stopped to talk with me.  Just a few weeks back at Christel's wedding, she stopped me and again was so caring and supportive.  She said she would be praying and thinking about me and encouraged me to stay strong and keep smiling.

Rebbecca, who I found through a wonderful organization called Bright Pink.  Well, actually Bright Pink found her for me through their pink pal program.  We e-mail and talk about whatever.  She is very upfront and candid, which I like.  We were matched based on some similar traits we have in common in our diagnosis and treatments and the ones I wanted in a pal.  I wanted someone who could relate more specifically to my situation as it relates to prevention and some of the decisions I have made or will be making.  She has a great story.  I want to share her video of when she spoke at a SGC race YouTube, which she just shared with me the other day.

I look forward to being there for other survivors like these ladies have been there for me in some capacity over the last several months.  You never know who you are going to touch and how even the smallest things mean a lot to someone who is working through the process.        

16 Balloons

16 chemo treatments = 16 pink balloons!!!!!!  Thanks, Kevin & Julie, for the idea and for celebrating my last day of chemo. 

Chemo 100%

OMG............it's official............................I am 100% through a total of 16 chemo treatments.  Today is a good day.  I'm so excited.  There really are no words to describe how happy I am right now.

In honor of today, my girl Julie had a great idea to release 16 pink balloons into the air.  So, tonight that's what we are going to do to celebrate this huge milestone in our journey.  Hopefully, we get some good pictures that I can share.

I would like to take a moment for a HUGE THANK YOU to my girl's - Emily, Erin, Lauren, Julie, & Christel.  They provided chemo presents for each treatment.  They were just small things, but I looked forward to opening them.  I can't list everyone individually, but I have been blessed with lots of love from lots of people, including parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, co-workers, friends and co-survivors.  I received texts, cards, flowers, food and LOTS of LOVE.  If you showed me your love, I noticed and I appreciated everything even if I have not thanked you in person.  And I can't thank everyone enough for all their help with Charlotte.  I have needed lot of people to help watch her, and someone always came to the rescue.  Steve deserves an EXTRA HUGE thank you and big pat on the back.  He went to 15 chemo treatments with me and every doctors appointment I have had.  

Even though I still have more milestones to go before I am officially "done", chemo in my book is one of the biggest and most difficult.  I made it through and am coming out the other side smiling and extremely positive!!!!!!    

The Date is Set

The date for my bilateral mastectomy has been scheduled.  10/1 is the big day and will start bright and early.  I have lots to get done before I am down and out for a few weeks.  We are still working out the details of caring for me and Charlotte while I am re-cooperating.  We will most likely be spending a lot of time at my parents the weeks following surgery.  I will not be able to pick Char up for awhile.


Friday will be my last and final chemo treatment.  I am definitely excited and looking forward to some increase in my energy levels.  I will miss all my nurses and seeing their smiling faces every Friday, but I will be so happy to be done.  We actually took Charlotte to chemo last week, and she was such a hit with everyone.  She was such a bright light smiling at everyone.

I am still pretty much side effect free from my Taxol treatments.  The only lingering one is fatigue.  I have been very fortunate that I am not dealing with the common ones most people experience.  

21 Day Cleanse...We Can Do It!!!!!!

Life presents you with lots of things that you cannot control.  You can't control what other people do, those pesky things that pop up when you least expect it, like needing new brakes and tires for your car all at the same time, and you can't control the fact that you have cancer.  You have all heard the saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade', or my favorite, 'when life gives you tomatoes, you make Bloody Marys'.  And if you know me, then you have probably heard me say more than once 'it is what it is'.  I have learned that I must relinquish my control and a lot of aspects of my life at the moment, because I can't do anything to change it.  I just so happened to be reading Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Diet book at the same time I was thinking about the lack of control I had in my life as it relates to cancer.  I realized that eating healthy, or more importantly, stepping my healthy eating up a notch was something I could totally control.      

If you are familiar with Kris, you already know she is passionate about healthy eating and emphasizes the vast health benefits of eating vegan and drinking green juices.  If you are interested in changing your diet and getting healthy, I recommend picking up this book and giving it a shot.  It's an easy read.  I guarantee you will think about food differently even if you don't embrace every aspect.

Steve and I are dipping our toes in the world of juicing and some of her vegan recipes (the black bean burgers were delicious).  We attempted juicing during my first phase of chemo to help keep my strength up, but it was hard for me to stomach any of the juices Steve attempted to make.  Now that I am over that hump and feeling pretty good, I am able to enjoy the green juices.  Now, I know what you are thinking.  There is no way Steve will be able to go without meat and dairy.  You are probably right, but we are cutting back to only a few days a week and even Steve has noticed a difference.

In her book, Kris includes a 21 days cleanse that includes eating raw veggies, fruits, gluten free breads & pasta, green juices & smoothies, and no SUGAR, caffeine, or animal products (meat, eggs, dairy).  I have been talking about this for weeks now, and I have inlisted several friends and co-workers to join the fun.  We are starting the cleanse 9/17.  It's still a few weeks away, but I wanted to give everyone lots of time to prepare, and I also wanted to get through all my chemo treatments before I cut out meat and dairy completely.  I am maintaining my weight, but not gaining, and I don't want to loose any more prior to being done chemo.  I always say the more the merrier, so if anyone is interested in the 21 day cleanse let me know.  I am excited to hear what everyone thinks and how they feel once we are done. 

                                                              Cheers to the green juice

Boobies............................

It’s ironic how life works out sometimes.  It was always a debate on whether my breasts were real or fake.  I was blessed with being skinny and having nice sized boobs (as were my other sisters).  I have made it to 31 being able to say proudly, yup they are the real deal.  This will not be the case for much longer.  My new response when asked will be, yup they're fake, but I don't have cancer anymore!!!!

Friday after my chemo treatment, I met with the plastic surgeon for my consultation.  I knew going in that my reconstruction options were going to be limited since I will be undergoing radiation, and I don't have a lot of extra body fat, so I tried not to be discouraged.  The only option for me given my slim size (no tummy tuck option) is to have implants.  Radiation, however, will make it a little more challenging.  After radiation, my own tissue is needed to support a permanent implant.  Most of the times, an implant is used in combination with a latissimus dorsi or t-DAP flap.  This would be done at the time of the mastectomy.  At this point, I am not a good candidate for this.  So, we have a few challenges.  One of them is figuring out the best way to hold the implant in while making it symmetrical with the other (non radiation) side.  Another is dealing with the skin changes as a result of radiation.  The surgeon did say it might be possible to use liposuction and injecting some fat into the reconstructed breast where needed to improve the symmetry and contour.


The most troublesome problem with using implants as opposed to my own tissue, is something called capsular contracture.  This occurs if the scar or capsule around the implant begins to tighten.  Capsular contracture can be treated in several ways, and it sometimes requires either removal or scouring of the scar tissue, or perhaps removal or replacement of the implant.  Radiation therapy dramatically increases the risk of tightness around the implant due to radiation fibrosis of all the surrounding tissue.  This could mean many additional procedures and problems post reconstruction.

Since I will be undergoing radiation after the mastectomy, I will need tissue expanders beneath my skin and chest muscle.  This tissue expander is a silicone balloon which will be filled (expanded) with saline to help stretch the muscle and remaining breast skin to the reconstructed breast size.  I may be able to get a couple expansions in before I start radiation, but once I start treatment I will not be able to be expanded until radiation is complete.  Reconstruction will be done somewhere between 3-6 months after radiation is complete.  Everything will hinge on how I heal, skin conditions, and how the expanding is going.

All things considering, the appointment went well, and I have lots more information to think about and research as we move forward with everything.  I have read a lot about how some women grieve the loss of their breasts.  I think I am ok with it at this point.  I think it will be difficult if I do end up having more children not to have the option of breastfeeding, but that's something to deal with/think about another day.  Given everything that I have been through so far, I feel like it's just one of the next steps to a long healthy and happy future.  So, whatever it takes................bring it on.

Phase 2 - 50%

Today I am excited to say that I am 50% through phase 2 of my chemo treatments.  I have six more to go before I can finally yell from the roof tops "NO MORE CHEMO FOR ME!!!!"

We are all hanging in, and I am feeling pretty good.  No major side effects yet from Taxol.  I am still in a constant state of being tired, but I seem to push through it for the most part.  Charlotte definitely keeps me on my toes around here.  She is crawling and pulling up on things and will be walking in no time.

My hair is coming back despite the Taxol.  I think the three week break I had to take gave it a jumpstart.  It appears I may be able to skip that side effect.  I am still preparing for it to start thinning out, but so far so good.  A lady at Target yesterday told me she loved my haircut.  My hair is definitely not long enough to be mistaken for a haircut, but she was sweet to say that.

The hot flashes seem to have lessened up a little, but they still pop up, especially at night.

So far I have completed 10 total chemo treatments with 6 more to go!!!!!!

Rebounding

I have finally rebounded.  My ANC count today was 2,569.  That's a huge jump from Sunday's 190.  I will be able to have chemo on Friday as planned.  Things are looking up.  Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts.

Home Sweet Home

Yay!  I am home from the hospital.  I was released Sunday afternoon, and Steve and I were both very excited to get home and see our Char Char.  She gave us each a big hug when she got home.

My counts are rising and were at 190 when I was released.  Still not where we want them to be, but definitely improving.  Tomorrow I go back so they can check to make sure they are still rising.  If all goes well this week, I will be able to have chemo on Friday as scheduled.  I am feeling much better.  We still have to be really careful since my counts are pretty low.  I am taking two different types of antibiotics to help fight some of my exposure.


 

Slowly but Surely

My counts are slowly on the rise and are currently 100 - Woo Hoo!  I am feeling good.  Just waiting for a good count so I can be released.  I am starting to go a little stir crazy being here and definitely missing my girl.  Hopefully, this time tomorrow I am home.  Six days here is plenty.         

Monday - 0
Tuesday - 0
Wednesday - 21
Thursday - 0
Friday - 41
Saturday - 100

Extended Stay at Hotel Hopkins

My counts took an exciting leap to 21 yesterday.  They have, however, taken a not-so-good decrease back to 0 today.  So far, all my bacterial and viral tests have been negative, so they are not really sure what is suppressing my bone marrow.  There are still some tests cooking that might point us in a direction of an infection in the next day or so.  I have not had a fever since my first day here, so that is definitely a good sign.  Overall, I am feeling pretty good.  Tired and a little run down feeling, but that’s to be expected from chemo and having low counts.  If my counts are still not up in 4-5 days, they will talk to the Hematologist here on what other options we can disucss to increase my ANC levels. 

I will be here for at least a few more days and quite possibly over the weekend.  My spirits are still holding strong, and I am trying not to get too discouraged about my counts.  I am definitely missing my baby girl.  Steve got to spend some good time with her yesterday evening, so it was nice she got to see her daddy for a little bit.

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts over the last few days.  Continue to pray that my counts will increase (preferably on their own), and that I will be able to head home soon.  It is somewhat of a comfort to be here away from germs, not that I am 100% protected since I am in a hospital, but the protocol for my floor is pretty good at protecting the cancer patients from germy germs. 
       

Time to Rest and Regroup

Looks like I will be spending a few days of R&R in the hospital.  My ANC is officially 0.  Early Monday morning I woke with chills, fever, headache.......the works.  After two calls to the on-call Oncologist, we were told to head to the ER.  By the time we got to the ER, my temp was 101.8.  I was omitted really quickly.  Although it took all day for a bed to become available on the Oncology floor, I was in a nice holding room while we waited.

I have had lots of blood drawn.  It seems like they have taken it all.  They are doing cultures to see if they can find any bacterial infections so they can give me the proper antibiotics.  I am already on two antibiotics that cover a broad range of things.  I had a slight reaction to one of the meds.  I got red and blotchy and started to feel itchy.  My entire head got bright red.  Since that first reaction, I have been doing ok with this particular med.  I had what is called red man syndrome.  It's not an official allergy.  This morning they did a swab to test for any viruses.  Unfortunately, until those results are back (24-48hrs) I am in isolation, and everyone around me has to wear a gown, gloves, and masks.   

They are still optimistic my counts will start to rise on their own, so it's just a waiting game until then as they attempt to treat whatever is causing me to feel sick.  They think I will be here for a few more days, but I am hoping by Thursday I can go home.  They did say they won't release me until my ANC is at least 500, or at least constantly rising.  Hopefully, once they start to increase, they will do so fairly quickly.

So until then, I am resting, resting, and resting.  I have lots of girly magazines, my Nook, laptop and the TV to keep me entertained.  The real challenge is keeping Steve entertained.  He is definitely not enjoying the virus precaution he has to wear.

Charlotte is also a little under the weather.  In addition to cutting her top two teeth, she has her first ear infection.  It's hard for me not to be there with her when she is not feeling well, but I know she is in good hands with her mom-mom, pop-pop, Uncle Tommy and Uncle Ryan.  She will be so spoiled by the time we get to see each other, but I know she is having a blast with all the attention.      

Holding Steady

My counts have not changed from Wed and are holding steady at 80.  Unfortunately, they are not moving up, and I was, again, unable to receive chemo this week.  I am, however, feeling better so that's good news.  The nurses and my doctor both said a drop this drastic is very uncommon, and the nurse said she had never seen such a drastic drop.  It's even more uncommon not to see a rise in counts after 2 weeks without treatment.  They are a little stumped at why my bone marrow is not rebounding as it should.  They will recheck next Friday, and if its still not in a good place, we may start doing the shots again to give me a boost.  Although I hate the shot, and they make me feel like I have been hit by a truck, it's better than not being able to fight an infection.

Today is SHIT - Sure Happy It's Thursday.  (If you know me well, then you are probably very familiar with this saying).  It's also what I like to call Champagne Thursday, and although we have gotten out of the habit of regularly celebrating this day, it's one of my favorite things.  My girl Christel sent me this picture, and I just had to put it on here in honor of the day and the pink.  Cheers!!!!!  Have a wonderful weekend.   

Low ANC - Neutropenia

Here's a little medical education and what having a low blood count means.

The normal neutrophil count is 2,500-6,000.  When you have 1,000 or fewer neutrophils, your risk of infection is increased.  When it's lower than 500, you are at risk for getting a serious infection.  This condition is called neutropenia. 

Things I need to look for given my neutropenic status at 80 ANC count"

• Fever - 100.5 is the magic number
• Shaking chills
• Flushed skin
• Sweating (guessing my hot flashes don't count)
• Frequent urination or burning
• Redness, tenderness, or pain anywhere in the body  
• General feeling of tiredness or flu-like symptoms (sore throat, sneezing, runny nose, coughing, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, shortness of breath, chest discomfort)

General precautions I can take:

• Wash, wash, wash, wash hands.
• Check temp. throughout the day - looking for that magic number.  No Tylenol products can be used since they suppress a temp., and we would want to know what it is.  
• Check for any sings of infection in cuts, mouth, etc.
• Shower or bathe daily - seems strange, but I guess people don't already do that. :o)
• Rinse teeth and gums after meals and at bed time.
• Use a soft toothbrush.
• No flossing. (Good thing I don't ever do this.) :o)
• Avoid contact with crowds, people with illness/infections, and public places.
• Avoid working with dirt/soil.
• Avoid cleaning bird cages, cat litter, and fish tanks. (Good thing Puddy became an outside kitty months ago.)
• No manicures or pedicures.
• No hot tubs and jacuzzis.
• Limit exposure to fresh flowers, house plants, and stagnant water.
• Be careful to avoid cuts and scrapes.
• Cook meat until well done, and limit exposure to restaurants since you don't know how the meat was prepared.
• No salad bars or buffets.

There are others, but they are a little TMI so I won't share them.

Today I have been trying to disinfect things and clean some of the toys that make it into C's mouth on a regular basis.  If only we could see germs.  This reminds me of the chorus to one of my favorite kid songs.  "I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small.  Germs, germs, my invisible dog."

There is, unfortunately, nothing I can do to increase my counts.  My body has to rebuild them on its own.  The only thing I can do is take precautions, and try and limit my exposure to germs so I do not end up in the ER or worse, spend days in the hospital.

Remember those nasty shots Steve was giving me during phase 1???  They were the only thing keeping me from taking this turn before.  Because they take cells from your bone marrow to make new white blood cells, they are hard on the body.  I know at this point they are not recommending I use this, so we will patiently wait for my body to kick back in gear.  I just hope once they are back up, I will be able to maintain a healthy level going forward so we are not continuing to push treatments back.

Moving in the Wrong Direction

My body is rebelling on me.  I have been fighting something since Sunday.  I am still clear of any fever, which is wonderful.  I am, however, feeling poopy and have what they think is a viral infection.  Since I was not feeling a whole lot better, my NP wanted to see me today.  They swabbed me for strep just in case, since one of my nieces had strep last week, and I might have been indirectly exposed through Grandmom.  Those results were not in when I left, but they will call if anything came up.  They also rechecked my counts, and they are on a downward spiral.  I think in my last post I said I was under 1,000.  I was actually under 200 last week.  I apparently need to take a class on how to read my lab reports.  Now that I am looking at the right line, my counts are down to 80.  Not the improvement we had hoped.  She said there is not much difference between 80 and 0 at this point.  I will most likely not be getting chemo on Friday, unless my body works very hard at replenishing my white cells.  In an effort to keep our exposure to germs to a minimal, Char will be staying home with me the rest of the week.  She was actually running a low grade fever this afternoon, which I think is just her top teeth breaking through.  If she comes down with something more serious than just teething, we will have to be separated until it passes.  They did put me on a strong antibiotic to help combat my exposure to things.  I am still checking my temperature several times a day.  A fever would not be good at this point. 

Please pray for a speedy recovery of my counts, and also, that Charlotte and Steve will stay healthy in the process.            

Wigs, Wigs, and More Wigs

Last weekend, I went wig browsing with my two girls, Emily and Christel, at Charlotte's Hair Line in White Marsh.  They had tons of selections.  I opted for short and blond.  There were tons I had to choose from.  It was actually a lot of fun.  It has been awhile since I had hair, so it was fun to see all the styles.  If you knew me before this blog, then you know I rarely had the same hair style for long.  Plus, the added bonus of having curly hair meant I could straighten it if the mood strikes.

I ended up getting two really cute wigs.  I still fully plan on embracing Bold Is Fabulous, but I have some options if I am in the mood and for special occasions.    

Charlotte loved when I put them on.  She kept smiling and laughing. 

No-Go for Me

Today I arrived for chemo, excited to be 25% through phase 2 of my treatments.  I had my blood drawn and saw the doctor.  Unfortunately, when I got back to my cubby, my blood work had come in and my counts were very low.  Just to double-check, my nurse redrew it just to make sure it was not a lab error.  There was no change.  I am or have (not sure which) leukopenia.  My white blood count is under 1,000, so I was unable to receive my treatment.  As she was putting the fear of God in me about germs, eating meat that is not cooked properly, fever, chills, being in crowds, etc. .......I started to cry.  Aside from being disappointed it will be one week longer than I thought before I am done, I have to be super careful not to catch anything.  Having an 8 month old makes that difficult.  A fever or anything questionable will most likely land me in the hospital.

On a happier note, Charlotte and I started getting back into the groove this week.  Charlotte started back at Celebree.  She did great, aside from being so busy she didn't want to take the time to drink her bottles.  She is loving being back with all her friends and playing.  I also went back to work this week.  I wasn't sure how I would feel about it, but I am SO happy to be back!!!!  My first week went well, definitely a step in the right direction.  Given what we learned today, it's probably not ideal that we are both back in environments where there are lots of people and germs, but we will take the necessary precautions to hopefully limit some of our exposure.   

Phase 2 - 1 Down, 11 More to Go

I survived my first treatment of Taxol, and I must say it's pretty awesome in comparison to AC......at least so far.  I met a lady on Thursday when I was at Hopkins for blood work who was almost done her Taxol treatment.  She stopped over to say hi and get a peek at Charlotte (who was a hit with all the nurses and a few patients).  I asked her how Taxol was, and she said "It's like heaven compared to what you have already been through".  And so far I have to agree.  It's so much better.

It was a rather long treatment, but they said the first two would be the longest, and then they would be much faster.  I didn't have an allergic reaction, which was also great.  My blood work looked great, although it will probably not be the case as we progress through this phase.  Today, I felt pretty good.  I needed a nap this afternoon, but I was not on the couch feeling horrible and dreading the days to follow. 

1 down - 11 more to go!!!!!

The doctor commented on how good I am doing handling everything and said whatever you are doing, keep it up.  I'm not saying that I don't still have my ups and downs and emotional breakdowns.  I am not made of stone.  But, I know it has been everyone's prayers for both me and Steve over the last few months that have got me through.  And no matter how difficult it is at times to have an 8 month old baby when I am always tired, I 100% believe that God put Baby Charlotte in our lives at the exact right time.  There is no better thing than seeing her smiling face in the morning or tucking her in a night.  She is the best inspiration I could ever ask for. 

Taxol Here I Come

Friday will be my first of 12 treatments of Taxol.  This time around, the steroids are taken prior to going in, which entails talking 5 pills, yes 5, the night before and 5 the morning of chemo.  I am anticipating a very sleepless night Thursday since I will be hyped up.  I actually had a very sleepless night last night, so today I am definitely dragging as I am tired on top of my normal chemo tired.  I am looking forward to less nausea with this round as I have been told it's not nearly as bad as with AC.  I am hoping my appetite returns to something resembling normal as I continue to lose weight.  I am by far the smallest I have been in my adult life (some people will find this hard to believe).

I am happy to report that my hair is very slowly coming back, or at least it seems to be.  I am not sure if it will continue to grow as I progress through Taxol since hair loss is still a side effect.  I still have my eyebrows and lashes thanks to Alexis, who recommend using Brian Joseph's Lash and Brow Gel.  It seems to have done the trick, at least through phase 1 of chemo.    

There are certain smells that trigger my gag reflex now that didn't seem to bother me before chemo.  All are smells that I encounter during treatment.  The hospital smell, the smell/taste of the medicine they flush my port with at the end of treatment, and other whiffs I get that just remind me of those smells.  Just typing this makes me think of them, and I want to throw up on my lap top.  I also don't think I will be able to drink anything that is red ever again.  Hopefully cosmos will not trigger this or that will be so depressing.  One of the drugs used during phase 1 was red, and you see it being administered through the IV.  I actually hadn't really thought about that until the nurse and I were talking, and she mentioned how other patients have had a hard time with red liquid after they were all done treatment.  That definitely ruined it for me.

Lots of Updates

Hello readers.  I have been a little MIA.  I haven't felt like talking or blogging for a little bit.  I have been doing a lot of resting as I recover from my last "big" treatment.  

It's exciting to say that I am 100% through my first phase of chemo (AC).  I am 7 days out and doing pretty good, considering.  I am pretty tired and have very low energy, but all-in-all I think I am doing well.  I will be starting phase 2 of chemo on 6/1.  It's a weekly treatment that will last 12 weeks. 

Last week, Steve and I met with some new members of my Hopkins team of doctors.  Monday, we met with my new surgeon, Dr. H.  We both liked him a lot, and we talked about several different surgical options we are considering at this point.  There are a few factors that we considered and discussed that resulted in my decision to have a mastectomy.  One of the factors discussed is my need for reconstruction.  After two surgeries and only a very small margin being "clear", the need for a third surgery was recommended.  There would still be a chance that the third surgery would not result in a big enough clear margin.  I currently need some reconstruction because of the current look and size of my right breast.  After all the swelling went down and my milk finally dried up, there is a pretty big difference in size.  It was also recommended that any decisions regarding reconstruction be made prior to starting radiation since that will cause future reconstruction to be a challenge, if not impossible, post radiation.  The whole nature of a lumpectomy is to preserve as much of the breast as possible, eliminating the need for a mastectomy.  Dr. H and I both agreed at this point a mastectomy with reconstruction is our best option.  With that being said, I feel we should just do a bilateral mastectomy, which would greatly reduce my chances of recurrence of cancer in my left breast and also make both breasts equal again.  They prefer to do a tummy tuck as part of the reconstruction, but unfortunately, I will not be a candidate for that.  This will make it a little more challenging for my plastic surgeon since I have very little extra body fat.  I will meet with my plastic surgeon in the next few weeks to discuss my options.

We also met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. A.  I really liked her.  She was very energetic and positive about everything.  She was very firm on my needing radiation.  Dr. H tried very hard lobbying on my behalf not to have radiation.  Reconstruction would be much easier, and I would have more reconstruction options if I did not have radiation.  Unfortunately, she did not waver on her opinion regarding radiation.  I will start radiation 3-6 weeks after the mastectomy.  I will receive daily treatments for 5-6 weeks. 

On Tuesday of that same week, I met with the genetic counselor at Hopkins.  We discussed the implications of genetic testing.  I will not be publishing my results on this blog, but I should know my test results in 2-3 weeks.  The biggest con was life insurance and the need to have the policy's updated prior to any testing.  Unfortunately, since I already have cancer and life insurance will be extremely costly right now, it didn't factor into my decision.  We also talked about the sociological aspects of knowing your specific statistics of getting cancer again.  A lot of what we discussed was related to future preventative surgeries they will recommend if I am positive for the BRAC testing.  The biggest one being that I should have my ovaries removed when I am 40.  Oh, and have a mastectomy, which I am already planning on doing.  We also discussed Charlotte and what we should do as she grows up to help with early detection.  We can, of course, have her tested, but I am not sure that's the best thing at this time.  We also discussed the importance of my brothers and sisters being tested.  I am sure this will be something we discuss in great detail when we are all together on vacation in July.  I am not sure if they have ever had a family tree listed that was quite as large as mine.  Since my mom was the youngest of 14, and there are 6 of us kids plus 14 of my nieces and nephews, it was quite the list.  One of the frustrations myself and the counselor discussed, was the misconception that breast cancer is not passed down from the father's side of the family.  I cannot tell you how many people, and medical professionals, who have said that BC is not passed down from the father.  We need to re-educate ourselves and others that this is not the case. 

So, last week was a busy week, and there was a lot of information to process.  I will say that although I am done my first phase of chemo, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know it's there, but there are still a lot of steps before it is really close.  Here is my tentative timeline.  Of course, a lot will depend on how I do with chemo, healing after surgery, and radiation. 

Mid Aug - Complete phase 2 of chemo
Mid Sep - Mastectomy
Mid Oct-Nov - Radiation
Jan-Feb - Reconstruction
                

Thoughtfulness

I have to say how much I have enjoyed all the cards that have been coming from the very start of all this.  I get a card a couple times a week, and I have started looking forward to the mail coming.

My work family has been the most committed, and I get regular cards from the groups and individual co-workers (along with monthly flowers, meals, and gift cards).  I got a beautiful card with a pink elephant on it.  I assume Ms. Cheryl made it.  I love it.

Each card is special, and I love each one.  I have them all taped to the back of my front door so I can see them often.

Thanks to everyone who has sent cards, flowers, gifts, and meals!!!!!  A few of my girlfriends put together a basket of little gifts that I open on chemo days or days I need a little something special.  Lauren put a little inspirational saying on each of her gifts that I love reading.  After I open the gift I hang the saying on the refrigerator so I can read them during the day.

I was reading from my Chicken Soup For The Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul (a gift from two very special young girls who also made a beautiful blanket to snuggle up with).  It had a wonderful story that is so true.  This is from memory so hopefully I get it right.  It was about a lady who called to tell her aunt, a survivor, that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  The first thing her aunt said was you will never feel so loved in your life.  This really is true.  So many people have reached out even just to say that they are thinking and praying.  Each gesture means so much to me, Steve, and Charlotte!

It's Official...I Have Chemo Brain

Chemo brain is here.  Since I will be having treatments for a few more months, it looks like my CB will be here for awhile.  I am not sure I ever fully recovered from the infamous prego/mommy brain, so at least those close to me are semi used to it. 

I will think of something I have to do in the morning, and by the afternoon, I have completely forgotten about it.  Sometimes I will remember hours after I should have done something, but most of the time I only remember if someone asks me or I see it written down.  Or sometimes, it just randomly pops back in my head.  I also have to be fully focused on what someone is saying, or I won't even remember conversations.  If you tell me something important, don't feel bad asking if I wrote it down.  It's like I am in a little fog.    

Easter Do-Over

Yesterday, we had Easter dinner #2 with my family.  Since we missed out the first time around, my mom hosted another meal for everyone.  My sister is also in town visiting from GA, so we all got to hang out and spend time together.  There were lots of yummy foods and good conversation.

It was also time for everyone to see me without hair.  I wore a scarf for most of the day.  When I took it off, the little girls would walk past and give me a little stare.  I'm not quite sure what they thought.  I got a few to rub my head and laugh.  We asked Nina, who is 2, what happened to my hair and she said it blew away.  My one niece, Faith, who is 4, is fascinated by it.  She has seen me a few times, so it's not new for her, but each time she laughs and says, "Your hair fell out".  Then, she will ask lots of questions about it.  Yesterday, I had a smooth head for the first time, and she said, "How come your prickly hair is gone?"  Kids really are the best medicine.     

Team Yale

On Sunday, Team Yale participated in the Race for the Cure in Ocean City.  It was the first Susan G. Komen race to take place on the beach.  Despite the rainy weather, the team showed up bright and early to show their support.  Although Steve and I both stayed home, we were there in spirit and were very touched by everyone's support.  We ranked #5 in total donations, raising over $5K for the cause. Everyone got a shirt with a pink elephant on it, and Steve and I got to put special names on the back of each.  Most were funny names we came up for each person.  Here are some of them and a few pics.  There are more pics, but these are the ones I have that the group sent that day.

Pink Cosmos
N4L (Can anyone guess what this one is?)
3's Company
Mrs. Clean
Stranger
Jule of the Chespk
Zac Attack
Crostie

Bald Is Fabulous

The morning of my second chemo treatment, my hair started falling out.  Since I didn't particularly want to see it all over the place, and I knew I would not be up for it over the weekend, I decided to call in the forces and shave my head.  Some of my close friends came over for some Friday night pizza and fun.  We made it a family affair, and everyone took a turn with the clippers.  I had a mohawk at one point :O)  Steve also joined in to show his support by shaving his head.  He's a little afraid it won't grow back since he has a little receding hair line already.  Oh, and our friend Crossie also shaved his head that night. 

Although it was traumatic to have to shave my head, everyone, including myself, held it together and there were no visible tears, just some teary eyes.  I am doing ok with not having any hair so far.  I look at it as one more step closer to being done and another thing to check off the list.  Plus, the added bonus of not having to shave all those girly places is very close in my future.  I am excited to use all the scarves I have been collecting.  I do have a pretty small head, so some of the hats I have are a little too big.  Baby C now officially has more hair than both her parents.  She even showed her support by coming home from Mom-Mom's with her own head wrapped in a bandanna.  It was really cute. 

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2nd Chemo Treatment

My second chemo treatment went well (now 50% through phase 1 of chemo).  After discussing some of my side effects with my doctor, he suggested changing a couple things.  First, he switched to a different anti-nausea medicine and second, they increased the drip time on one of the chemo meds.  I am not sure which one did the trick, but I did not get the horrible headache like the first go-round.  The first few days were still not pleasant, but I made it through, and it didn't seem to be quite as bad as the first.  I am sure part of that was because I knew what to expect.  I also increased my fluid intake and tried to drink an 8oz glass every hour. 

C had a little sleep over at her mom-mom's, so I had plenty of time to rest over the weekend.  She had lots of fun playing with Uncle Tommy & Uncle Ryan.  Poor Steve had to deal with not only a grouchy chemo girl, but also a grouchy PMSing one.  Poor guy, but he came out in one piece. 

Aside from the lingering fatigue (that is driving me crazy), I am trying to get back to normal.

Birthday Bust

I turned 31 last Saturday.  It was pretty much a bust since Baby C was still running a fever and was extremely unhappy.  I thought I was going to pull my hair out before it even had the chance to fall out.  Unfortunately, we had to cancel our dinner plans with friends.  Steve did, however, whip up a really yummy dinner for us at home, and our friends Jeff & Emily came over from next door.  I even got to blow out candles as they sang "Happy Birthday".

I am not looking forward to the long journey ahead in my 31st year.  It's going to be a difficult and hard year, and I will be extremely happy to turn 32 and say goodbye to 2012.  But, I do have LOTS to look forward to (not necessarily in this order):

• Finishing treatment (definitely #1 in terms of importance to me)
• The birth of Baby Girl Overcash
• My girl Christel's wedding and all the festivities that go along with being in her wedding
• Charlotte's 1st birthday
• My dad's 70th birthday
• Our 3rd wedding anniversary
• Family vacation in OBX
• My 1st Mother's Day (Steve says last year did not count even though I was pregnant)
• Boating with the Runds
• Watching Baby C grow and all the fun things she will be doing this year 

I am sure I am forgetting some and all the other yet-to-be planned events. 

Carbing It Up

I am feeling really good as I get ready for my 2nd chemo treatment.  Charlotte is finally better, as well.  Last week, after running a high fever for a couple days, we made a trip to the pediatrician's office.  One good thing about my current situation, I get called back right away and do not have to sit in the waiting room with the germs.  They also provided me with lots of face masks in case I need them at home or when I go in public.  Since C had a viral infection, I was worried all week I was going to come down with something, but so far so good.  My baby girl is finally happy again, and last night she finally got a good night's sleep. 

This week, I am trying to carb up and eat lots of yummy foods.  After the last Chemo treatment, I went two days unable to eat.  My appetite eventually came back, but not as quickly as I would have liked.  I am trying to gain a few extra pounds as my weight teeters at what I consider an unhealthy level.  My oncologist was not concerned about my weight, since the steroids I am given at each treatment should help me gain and not loose.  I am sure at the end of my 5-month chemo regimen, the steroids will have done a good job, and I will be writing about losing weight.  We shall see.